Friday, September 22, 2006

Confessions


I’m not a religious person. I admit I know very little about religion. However there are some concepts that are used in religion that can be applied to life regardless of any religious devotion or worship. Like the 7 deadly sins. Originally established to educate and protect followers from the basic immoral human instincts, they are relevant to many aspects of modern life that we seem to keep a personal check on.

While reflecting on my time absent from Rabbit Tales I took stock of my recent behaviour and realised I had become quiet the sinner….however…I have come to the conclusion that my sins were neither deadly nor entirely what I would deem immoral….after all, I decadently enjoyed myself while commiting some of them….. and so in order to explain my month long exile and my somewhat recklessly carefree behaviour of late I feel I need to admit and declare all.

Sins are usually absolved through confession. Here is my pugatory.

Pride
Excessive love of self

Guilty. I’m not ashamed to admit it, I have been locked up in my own little world lately, doing things simply for myself, because I enjoy them and they make me happy at the expense of all consequences. You probably want an example I’m guessing…..well, sitting on my balcony in the glorious spring sunshine grooming my eyebrows and sipping on coffee for a period of time longer than really is acceptable is one example that comes to mind…..you may think that sounds harmless, however those of you who know me, know that my new work schedule was established to spend much sort after time on a long list of higher priority things I should be doing in order to build a new career path…..eyebrow remodeling was not one of them…..

Greed
Desire to gain material wealth

Guilty. Besides my regular purchase of Monday night lotto….which each week I haplessly believe in all honesty is mine to be won…..lately I have been harbouring a deep desire to buy a 30GB iPod……you’re probably questioning where upon the guilt lies in this conundrum….well I am now earning less than half my previous wage as a result of that previously mentioned new work arrangement…..and the new iPod is the pricely sum of $450…….I am meant to be saving every dollar and monitoring my spending like a hawk but damn it I want an iPod, I have been resisting the iPod craze for long enough and I am on the verge of giving in…

Lust
Desire for excitement

Guilty. This past weekend I saw myself home alone. Although having some quiet time to watch movies and devour a good chunk of chocolate for dinner was immensely appealing on Friday night by Saturday I was craving some excitement of grander proportions. With only myself for company for the evening I went through the list of possible entertainment I could engage in to turn Saturday night into something above average. Having been to the movies by myself before and having taken myself out for a meal before I wanted to do something I had never endeavoured to embark on solo……so I looked up the Sydney gig guide and decided to take myself out to see some live music. To add to the craziness of it all I picked a band I had never heard of and a venue I had never been to. I dressed myself up in clothes that had never been teamed together as an outfit prior to that moment and walked out the door with an unfamiliar spring in my step….I felt like my own little Robinson Crusoe….out to discover something completely new…..my adventure was full of excitement and I had a fantastic time accomplishing what I set out to achieve…..the personal strength to go it alone and to have fun in the process….all good training for my leap off the deep end of my career platform…….

Envy
The grass is always greener

Yup don’t I know it. Damn that verdant illusion.
I am guilty of idolising the other side. Instead of providing specifics as I have trouble reconciling these with myself let alone bore you with them…just be rest assured I am learning to cultivate my very own special patch of turf to bring an end to such corrosive envy.

Gluttony
Over indulgence, usually refers to food and drink

Oh so very, very guilty……
Getting drunk in the Rocks on a Tuesday night.
Menacingly neglecting to trim the excess fat off lamb shanks and devouring them with reckless abandon….leaving my mouth surrounded with enough grease to cause an oil slick if washed down the drain.
Baking a batch of Bill’s Breakfast Muffins and proceeding to eat the whole lot over 3 days…..failing to register their ‘Breakfast’ role.
Making Nigella’s Rhubarb Tart and polishing off the remaining cream cheese filling by wiping the bowl clean with strawberries.
…and this was all just last week……
Oh restraint reemerge from hiding….please….and bring motivation back out with you….to shift these extra 2 kilos that have come and taken your place in my life.

Wrath
Inappropriate feelings of hatred and anger

This is a heavy one. I have not felt hatred, but anger yes. Anger at how destructive the world has been lately. Anger at those that have used division to instill hate in others.
Anger towards the Australian mainstream media for failing to make the devastation in Sudan an issue…….thank heavens for SBS world news..... what makes this anger inappropriate you may ask......well in theory being angry at those who use anger as a tool is somewhat hypocritical of me but this is a confession of sins after all....

Sloth
Laziness

mmm…this is quite relative really but its fair to say this is the lesser of my sins…….oh except for last Wednesday…it followed last Tuesday night….that gluttonous night boozing it up in the Rocks….my bed was my demon, convincing my pounding head to forsake activity for extended slumber, waking only for pyjama clad afternoon daytime television watching.


These past few weeks of selfishly sinful behaviour may in a snapshot sound like all I have been doing is….eating, drinking, soaking up sunshine, contemplating the world and my place in it…..o.k you’re right.….and although I have enjoyed every minute and feel really relaxed as a result I have decided I require my very own retreat, a personal conference….in order to put an end to this seemingly holiday lifestyle and start building foundations for my future career…….so I’m heading up to Byron Bay for the good part of a week. I plan to do a good deal of soul searching, forward thinking and planning for the year ahead. However like all conferences there will be down time…..besides much anticipated activites such as swimming, reading and writing ….I hope to rediscover the hippie within…

1 Comments:

Anonymous Joe-y said...

This entry re: sins spoke to me, in particular the sin about inappropriate anger. Something of a new view i have right now is of anger as being a very valid and helpful feeling. It is my view that we should have anger honoring courses rather than anger management. I have come to feel that anger is helpful because it lets us know that our rights, morals or ethics have been violated in some way, and we are ANGRY about this violation. It speaks to me that being angry reminds us we have these things in our life.....i would be worried if we were not getting angry. Just a thought..........

6:01 pm  

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